The conversations generally look like this.

"So, where were you born?"

I respond, "Guelph, Ontario."

"Oh, really? You were born in Guelph?" They say with a note of disappointment in their voices. But then their eyes light up because they have thought of another question to ask. "Well, where was your Mother born?"

I smile and respond, "She was also born in Guelph."

Stumped for a few seconds but not discouraged, their faces twist. It's as if I can see them trying to compute how I, looking the way I do, could be standing in front of them and be from Guelph and, furthermore, have a mother who was also born in Guelph. Then with the utmost confidence that their next question will yield the desired answer, they ask, "Where was your Grandmother born?"

I respond, "Wales."

Then the rapid-fire Q&A begins with, "Where is your name from?" When the "Where are you really from" question is left unclear they ask "Who do you get your freckles from?" Finally, it escalates to (my personal favourite), "What are you?"

Gasp! By now, I'm thoroughly exasperated. "Where do I begin to answer?" I reply. "I am human, I am female, I am a lot of things."

Perhaps you are all familiar with the "one drop" philosophy, adopted by American slave owners. Essentially, as long as an individual had even one drop of African blood, that individual was considered Black, regardless of what could sometimes be a very mixed lineage. Well, the "one drop" concept is, in some ways, alive and well today and is the unspoken subtext that spurs someone to ask "What are you," when I am clearly and visibly something other than white. So possibly the question could more precisely be phrased as "What part of you is black?" Not, "Where are you from?" After all, when I truthfully answer with Guelph, Ontario, no one is never satisfied!

As a side note, when we are tempted to ask the question, "But where are you really from," we need to recognize, it's a loaded question, it assumes someone does not belong in the space that he or she is occupying. People ask this question to compartmentalize and categorize others. People commonly refer to negative stereotypes rather than taking the trouble to get to know individuals or communities.

I'm not saying that everyone should stop asking; questions are important and necessary. We have a responsibility to abolish the use of heritage as a spring board to discrimination, entitlement, privilege, negative stereotypes and a host of damaging "isms." Sometimes, when we forget to reflect on our interactions, we lose sight of our responsibilities. Not all Canadians have a positive or encouraging experience when discussing their heritage, and our country, like many others, contains a multitude of people who are subject to communicating discrimination and prejudice. We need to be aware. It's important to really sit down and reflect, ask ourselves why we are asking the "Where are you really from" question. Are we genuinely curious or are we motivated by something else? I am proud of my heritage and enjoy speaking to it; however, I would love it if these dialogues were begun out of real interest and not structured like a scavenger hunt.