Asian Childhoods Deprived of XOXO's? at Schema : more than ethnic

Asian Childhoods Deprived of XOXO's?

I grew up in the age of Full House, where Danny Tanner would tell his daughters that he loves them everyday and Uncles Jessie and Joey would be equally affectionate. But the perfect house of the Tanners contrasts starkly to my own household.

My parents have never hugged me or told me that they love me and I am used to it, so it's quite normal for me. In fact, I would likely find it bizarre if my parents started to adopt the ways of Full House. For this reason, I feel compelled to share with you some perspectives on one of the often-discussed dynamics of traditional Asian relationships.

EastWestMagazine.com featured an article entitled, "Show Me the Love", which explores how love is expressed in interracial families and how collaborating Asian with non-Asian traditions of showing love can sometimes be a challenge.

In Asian cultures, the role of the relationship, the duties and expectations of being a mother, father, etc., are given priority and expressions of love are secondary, according to Stanley Sue, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist at the University of California. "Americans define love in more erotic and romantic terms. Asians are more likely to see love as companionship and practical matters." From EastWestMagazine.com

I appreciated how the article stated that Asian parents may not outwardly display affection, but will instead show their love in other ways. However, I feel that the overall conclusion, after analyzing four mixed-race relationships, did not recognize the different expressions that are equivocal to showing love overtly.

For the most part, the stories that were profiled described how the children of Asian parents are now married and with families of their own, and in those relationships they state that, "We say 'I love you' a lot around this house" and "...they make a point of saying "I love you" every day." This reinforces the fact that words of affirmation are the ultimate display of love. So where does this place the other displays of love?

I think that it's important to step away from the stereotypes that Asian parents aren't affectionate. Instead, recognize that there are many ways to show love.

Asian childhoods aren't deprived of XOXO's, they're just given in other ways: delicious home-cooked meals, rides from destination A to B, tuition and tutoring fees paid, unconditional care, and I'm sure there are many more to add to the list!

Don't forget to give your parents some XOXO's, too!